It never ends

Wow, the only posts i have been making are to complain. Oh well, it helps to be able to vent a little and i don't want to actually talk to anyone about it.

So last night i completely lost it and went into a full blown panic attack. We still don't have heat or AC but our water and sewage seems to have finally been fixed after we went a day and a half without a toilet. i went to start a load of laundry and my washer wouldn't work. It is relatively new, we have only had it for a few years and it has been in storage for 7 months of that. That was my breaking point, i can't take anything else going wrong right now. i just need a break. Can't i have a week or 2 without something going horribly wrong with this house or our cars? Please?!?

The kids are great. They have been so good, staying out of the workers' way and basically spending most of their time in their rooms unpacking and cleaning.

Yesterday the cops stopped by to inform me that the city issues an ordinance saying that everyone in my neighborhood has 1 month to clean up their yards or they would be forced to move because their homes would be condemned and torn down. We don't really have that much in our yard, a lot of weeds that need to go and a ton of boxes. They will be putting dumpsters out for everyone to use so that will be nice.

i suppose i better get back to work. The living room is nearly finished then i will be working on the dining room/kitchen to get that finished. For the most part i jump around all over the place but it is nice that at least one room is starting to get finished. This is all so overwhelming. Robert has been fantastic. He is the only one keeping me from going completely insane here. At least we have each other and we have a roof over our heads. For now anyways.

breaking point

i really don't know how much more of this i can take. The heat is still not working. Our water finally got turned back on and now it has to be turned off again to fix the sewage pipes that are backed up. i am sitting on the floor almost in tears because of this house. i am still trying to unpack, clean and organize this house and make it somewhat normal for my kids but it is a huge struggle. i really need to get in to see a doctor and get back on my meds, even if Robert doesn't like them, i need them.

Pink; Try

Heartbroken

Robert and i have been under so much stress for so long it finally blew up and we got into a huge fight. i had my keys in my hand and when he grabbed me i hit him with the keys. His arm is cut up pretty good and swollen. i feel so ashamed. i didn't even realize what i was doing until it was already done. He is very understanding and is ok with it but i thought i would be past this by now. i hate my flashbacks. i hate that i hurt my husband because of the flashbacks. This wasn't the first time i hurt him because i had a flashback and thought i was in danger, it probably won't be the last. It just breaks my heart that i hurt him. :(

If it's not one thing, it's something else

i am seriously going crazy in this house. The gas got turned on finally but the heater won't work so we are still freezing. Our water pipes keep breaking and leaving us without any running water. Our water line to the washer doesn't work so even though i have my washer and dryer back, i still have to go to the laundry mat to do my wash. As soon as we fix one thing, something else breaks or the stuff that was already fixed breaks again.

i am trying so hard to stay positive and keep doing what i need to do but it is getting really difficult. No matter how hard we work and how much money we lose on this house, it just keeps laughing in our faces and more goes wrong.

i just want to get finished cleaning and unpacking so we can get back to trying to live a normal life. i am getting to the point of just wanting to give up. It doesn't matter what i do, everything just gets worse. Robert mentioned taking the last of our savings and getting a lawyer to sue the owner.

The happy Thor

The happy Thor, a photo by elaine.pepsicola81 on Flickr.

So happy to be a family again, in our own home. It's so much work trying to get moved in and everything working but so worth it. My kids are happy, my dogs are happy. <3

our new house

P1020202 a video by elaine.pepsicola81 on Flickr.

Finally found a place to live. It's not perfect but i know i can make it work.