Relief

We didn't get the house we had thought we were going to move into but i did find a place for us that will work for now. It is better than our other options. We move in this weekend. It is a relief to not have this looming over my head.

Acceptance

Here it is my little girl's birthday and i am still stressing over where we are going to live. Tomorrow i will be packing up what we have at my sister's house and then we will be going to a hotel and will probably stay there through the weekend. If i don't hear from the lady that owns the house in town by the end of the day today, we will go for the house in the mountains. It is not what i imagined we would be living in but i know i can make it a home. i will get some video monitors so that i can see and talk to the kids while we are in separate houses. i can make it work. i need to make it work.

i am still holding out hope that we will get the house we want but i will take what i can get.

Frustrated

i am so frustrated. We had a place we were supposed to move into but the lady who owns the house is acting shady so now i am searching for another place for us to live. i am emotionally exhausted. We have until Friday to be out of my sister's house and it is just beyond stressful. i really like the house we are supposed to be moving into, i don't want to be looking elsewhere. We looked at a house in the mountains yesterday and we will take it if we have to but i really don't want to. The area is nice, i love the mountains but the house is really old and run down and the main bedroom is separated from the house. i really don't like the idea of being away from my children. Then there is the wild life, bears, mountain lions, wild boars, skunks, etc.

:(  i just want this to be over.

Boundin'

i love this song/video. i definitely needed it right now to remind me that even when you're down, you can turn it around again.

Rihanna - Umbrella (Orange Version) ft. JAY-Z

A late party

Emily will be 6 years old on the 27th of February. Due to us moving and my sister going on vacation the first week of March we are putting her party off until we are settled into the new place. i am hoping all the adults can put our differences aside for a short while and let the kids enjoy a birthday party. We'll see. I really don't want to have separate parties just so everyone can participate.

A new beginning

Tonight i went to see the house we will be moving into on March first. It is in a good neighborhood, right next to the fair grounds. i would have been happy with 4 walls and a roof so the few things i don't find that great about the place really don't matter and it's nothing major. There isn't a dish washer and the washer/dryer hookups are at opposite ends of the house but aside from that, it is really nice.

i am so excited to move in. i have never been so happy to move before, it was always a chore that had to be done. Now, i am over joyed and can't wait to make it ours. The house has a good size yard in the back with a shed, 3 large bedrooms, 1.5 bath, a spare room that was converted from the garage, and tiles everywhere but the bedrooms. i love it. It has a small kitchen which would normally get me down but i don't even care. i like it, it's cozy.

As difficult as it has been for the past 7 months, i am kind of happy that i went through it. i feel better now about stuff that would normally bug me. It was really very humbling and i am so thankful for everything that we have and are able to get. i definitely have a much more positive outlook on life. i am so thankful for all the help that i have received along the way.

The only thing that really makes me sad is that i think i sheltered the kids from all this a little too much. They still don't understand that our income is a quarter of what it used to be and things will never be the way they were before. They think someone is giving us a house; um no, we have to pay for it. They think that if they want something i should just go to the bank, get money and buy it for them. i don't think they should know about every little detail about our finances but they should be able to understand that nothing is free and we have to work hard for what we get, i can't buy everything they want.

Katy Perry - Wide Awake

So loved

So loved, a photo by elaine.pepsicola81 on Flickr.

My Valentine's day gifts.

Highlight of my night

Cleaning up after a sick child and almost losing my dinner several times. So much fun.

Lower case i

When referring to myself i use the lower case letter because it is a show of submission to my Husband/Master. He gets a capital letter because he is the top, i get lower case because i am bottom. Just wanted to clarify that it is done on purpose. :)

A time for change

Life Choices: Putting the Pieces Together by Moreo, Judi/ Goodwin, Bea (Google Affiliate Ad)

 i have never been good at keeping up with this blog and even forgot about it for a long while. Today i am making changes to the layout, title, and what the content will be. This blog will become a journal of sorts for me to work on my therapy and get my emotions and anger out in the open so i can finally heal.

The original direction for this blog was to keep it "vanilla", however, i am done hiding. i will keep my blog rated G, but i won't be censoring myself anymore in concern to the type of marriage that i have.